Holiday Greeting Paradigms


I hope you find ones that fit your world view.  If not, add your own to the list.  At least, start your new year with a chuckle.



  • Taoism:Shit happens.
  • Confucianism:Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
  • Buddhism:If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
  • Zen Buddhism:Shit is, and is not.
  • Zen Buddhism #2:What is the sound of shit happening?
  • Hinduism:This shit has happened before.
  • Islam:If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
  • Islam #2:If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
  • Islam #3:If shit happens, blame Israel.
  • Catholicism:If shit happens, you deserve it.
  • Protestantism:Let shit happen to someone else.
  • Presbyterian:This shit was bound to happen.
  • Episcopalian:It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
  • Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
  • Congregationalist:Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
  • Unitarian:Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
  • Lutheran:If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
  • Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
  • Fundamentalism #2:If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay.
  • Fundamentalism #3:Shit must be born again.
  • Judaism:Why does this shit always happen to us?
  • Calvinism:Shit happens because you don’t work.
  • Seventh Day Adventism:No shit shall happen on Saturday.
  • Creationism:God made all shit.
  • Secular Humanism:Shit evolves.
  • Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray!
  • Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
  • Unitarianism:Come let us reason together about this shit.
  • Quakers:Let us not fight over this shit.
  • Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
  • Darwinism:This shit was once food.
  • Capitalism:That’s MY shit.
  • Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
  • Feminism:Men are shit.
  • Chauvinism:We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…
  • Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
  • Impressionism:From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
  • Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.
  • Existentialism:Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.
  • Existentialism #2:What is shit, anyway?
  • Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
  • Hedonism:There is nothing like a good shit happening!
  • Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
  • Mormonism #2:This shit is going to happen again.
  • Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
  • Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.
  • Jehovah’s Witnesses:>Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
  • Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
  • Jehovah’s Witnesses #3:Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
  • Moonies:Only really happy shit happens.
  • Hare Krishna:Shit happens, rama rama.
  • Rastafarianism:Let’s smoke this shit!
  • Zoroastrianism:Shit happens half on the time.
  • Church of SubGenius:BoB shits.
  • Practical:Deal with shit one day at a time.
  • Agnostic:Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
  • Agnostic #2:Did someone shit?
  • Agnostic #3:What is this shit?
  • Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
  • Atheism:What shit?
  • Atheism #2:I can’t believe this shit!
  • Nihilism:No shit.
  • Narcisism:I am the shit!
  • And of course we must add…Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
  • Solopsism: The only real shit is in my mind.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s