HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ALL SPIRITUAL WORLD VIEWS ⁽¹⁾

I hope you find ones that fit your world view.  If not, add your own to the list.  At least, start your new year with a chuckle.

^{(1) http://www.thejaywalker.com/pages/shit_happens.html}

MEANING-OF-LIFE PARADIGMS

• Taoism:Shit happens.
• Confucianism:Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
• Buddhism:If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
• Zen Buddhism:Shit is, and is not.
• Zen Buddhism #2:What is the sound of shit happening?
• Hinduism:This shit has happened before.
• Islam:If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
• Islam #2:If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
• Islam #3:If shit happens, blame Israel.
• Catholicism:If shit happens, you deserve it.
• Protestantism:Let shit happen to someone else.
• Presbyterian:This shit was bound to happen.
• Episcopalian:It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
• Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
• Congregationalist:Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
• Unitarian:Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
• Lutheran:If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
• Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
• Fundamentalism #2:If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay.
• Fundamentalism #3:Shit must be born again.
• Judaism:Why does this shit always happen to us?
• Calvinism:Shit happens because you don’t work.
• Seventh Day Adventism:No shit shall happen on Saturday.
• Creationism:God made all shit.
• Secular Humanism:Shit evolves.
• Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray!
• Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
• Unitarianism:Come let us reason together about this shit.
• Quakers:Let us not fight over this shit.
• Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
• Darwinism:This shit was once food.
• Capitalism:That’s MY shit.
• Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
• Feminism:Men are shit.
• Chauvinism:We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…
• Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
• Impressionism:From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
• Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.
• Existentialism:Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.
• Existentialism #2:What is shit, anyway?
• Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
• Hedonism:There is nothing like a good shit happening!
• Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
• Mormonism #2:This shit is going to happen again.
• Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
• Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.
• Jehovah’s Witnesses:>Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
• Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
• Jehovah’s Witnesses #3:Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
• Moonies:Only really happy shit happens.
• Hare Krishna:Shit happens, rama rama.
• Rastafarianism:Let’s smoke this shit!
• Zoroastrianism:Shit happens half on the time.
• Church of SubGenius:BoB shits.
• Practical:Deal with shit one day at a time.
• Agnostic:Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
• Agnostic #2:Did someone shit?
• Agnostic #3:What is this shit?
• Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
• Atheism:What shit?
• Atheism #2:I can’t believe this shit!
• Nihilism:No shit.
• Narcisism:I am the shit!
• And of course we must add…Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
• Solopsism: The only real shit is in my mind.